Hi all , first of all..I am sorry because this may be my second topic , almost same title .. and .. sorry for grammer mistakes in advance

In our life , everyone get problems , but some people -like me- have alot of problems in relations with other ppl.
It is because maybe , I care more than usual .. and the good point is that I tell other people such as mother , teacher
or so on , my problems , trying to fix it .. and when I open this forum I feel relax with the people , and thier judgment.
I don't have any thing talk about , search some topics and avoide posting alot. Last time I put my problem here I can
say it has been solved and I hope some people find my problem with others.

It all started when I entered a new class , find many great people - since the class is special they collected people
by ranks - I saw myself with friends all around me. But with days , I see myself lose them one by one , the first guy
went with someone who hate me , and I belive he changed totally , but still one of my great friends . The other one
doesn't like other friend of mine and he look at me with a hard look when I go with him , and I tried many times to make
them be friends but nothing happened "no reason" they both say. Yeah I can't change everyone you say , but I think those
are problems , its ok to fix them , I consider these nothing from what I am going to explain now.

One of my best friends named Hamad , after our friendship went just perfect , I showed him -after like 6 months
in same class- a friend of mine who I knew from 8 years . Then , some weeks later Hamad moved his table which
was infront of me to my other friend (Ahmad) and I was disappointed and just shuted up I couldn't say anything to him
about this , I thought its just OK but then he begin not to go with me sometimes , don't talk much with me , and some
moves that makes you think ALOT.

I still alright , until it started to be sillier , he changed his name in MSN to (Ahmad I like you much and happy to know
you) like months later . next day I went to school and I was like from thinking .. " Hamad has changed , its alirght "
wew I saw things I better didn't see , Ahmed showed Hamad what he didn't show me as friend , like talking in class , play
together , joking ect.. I was luaghing strangely =S wow I don't want to see more .. I went to home to see Ahmed changed
his name in MSN to (Hamad your the only one I like too , whoever doesn't like this shut up) I thought this is waaaay
childish and kinda funny to hear , and..like they know about me..? or..? anyways i was sad I dunno whats going on around
me , I told Hamad he was answering me as we friends and he's sorry bla bla then weeks later he back his table and I told
him " dont return to not make me sad again when you go " he was saying something like don't belive I can go bla bla I was
quite and waiting until some days when I been driven into a lake of sadness he returned . Then Ahmed act like he didn't see
me when I walk next to him so I belived he is not as I thought and just not as we was , years ago. I told him I don't want to
talk with him , and he kinda want to end the conversation with the word I said , careless eh? days later he try to back to me
I tell him I don't want him anymore and I don't care and some similer lies .. Hamad starting to go then back , currently his
name in the messenger (Only Ahmed) I act like I don't see him in school , I don't want to talk to him , he knew it and he is
not doing anything , I will put someone of my friends in his place so he can't back .. well .. =/ .. this is it soooo shortly some
things are hidden , some sad things I deleted it..=) I got now 2 friends out of over 10 , almost everyone went with Ahmed
and that make me alittle sad more than what am in. I want both friends Ahmed and Hamad to back , but with some respect
=/ hard to change people you like .. and I don't like to forget people I will see daily until 3 or 4 or maybe even 10 more years..
I can't do anything and I get sad when I see them , when Hamad was alone .. he was caring about our friendship now who
knows .. =) ...... I dunno whats going on I don't want to start losing more friends , friends mean much for me , and I taste the
way a lonely live once and I don't want to get back to it..

Thats all , some little more , my friends were all around my table and place and now there is only 1 or 2 , and I tried getting some friends near me but I couldn't. Ahmed is the first ranked guy I come second , and Hamad is like 6th or somthing and our
friends are top rated guys , ranks by marks , famouse , hoppies , projects , and teacher relation and others. Yeah you can
rarely find good friend at intermediate school =/ our class is the only chance in my life lol these are some problems of mine
and I just felt like writing them , and for those who know my first thread , this is how it went..=| thnx all in advance for advices. and sorry for the long topic.

Starting a new school year is tough, especially when you are entering an environment where you don't know anyone. There are many negative influences floating around schools, which seemed to affect your first friend. I had a best friend who began talking with a stuck-up student and very soon later, I never saw her again. When I finally did, she was still hanging out with that brat and her entire appearence and attitude had changed. I was completely devestated. This happened to another friend of mine, except she started hanging out with a bully, so soon afterwards, I found her picking on her ex-friends. I couldn't believe my eyes. All she did was pick fights along side her two *new* best friends.

I'm not sure what to say about your other predicament. It sounds like your two friends found something in common with eachother that neither of them saw in you. Ahmed seemed to be more open with Hamad because of this. I can see why you were sadden by this. They were wrong to suddenly not include and even acknowledge you. However, by what you stated, you were also given a few chances to fix your relationship with both of them, but instead you got angry and pushed them away. You explained how Ahmed came to you a few times, which obviously meant that he wanted to spend time with you or at least speak to you. Instead, you gave both of them a 'taste of their own medicine' routine by ignoring them. Now it's your turn...Go to them and explain how you feel. It would be a pity to lose such a close relationship with those two. They were most likely your true friends if they stayed while the others disappeared.

*I hope I read your post correctly. My apologies if otherwise.

This post has been edited by Meeja Isara: Apr 4 2008, 12:51 AM

It is much hard for me to just go and explain how I feel to them , I already told Hamad and he returns to me sometimes few days then back to the same situation , I hated this thing and about Ahmed .. I dunno how can I start it with him.

I remember giving Hamad easter egg cuz he was sad at that time , but now..yesterday he didn't talk to me not any single word , but before I go
to home he talked with me and when he ended .. I saied "what do you want?" as I don't care..

Ahmed promised me somthing and he still didn't do , plus he promised me he'll change but he didn't. dunno what to do

edit:
I had conversation with him , he tried to change asking me how I want him to be and etc and i was answering him stupid answeres
and finally he knew that I don't go with Hamad and I think Ahmed is not doing what he says .. he says he cant let us all happy at same. =[


This post has been edited by killua: Apr 5 2008, 12:43 PM

People whether subconsciouslly always search for the best means of happiness but often at the cost of losing appreciation to the things which pleased them before. It is easier, more comfortable at the first moment to look at what other people to represent instead of whether they are able to.
Doesn't a human become happier in a shorter time from finding something what seems to fulfil their image of needs than putting some own effort to discover it within what is near...

It is almost constant searching...especially at the period of younger age.
Forgive my comparison but even at later time it is still some manifestation of a rule between a child and its toy. I don't bring such drastic example to imply playing with people but the attitude that it is good till child's eyes doesn't spot other toy which seem more attractive.
True, feelings appear so it isn't so sudden, easy and thoughtless (the main difference is that children don't even got an idea to think it over) though usually subconscious attitude directing one is "if someone isn't someone/something which I deem perfect then I must look for it somewhere else."
Although people happen to realise the fault of such approach and begin appreciating giving some work (the roles change: I stop changing others I start changing myself) it still is common to have them saying: I noticed everything what was to notice in this doll but I cannot change the way she was made right...?

I know that you aim for the answer that could solve the situation so I apologise to you for a long introduction (which could also be difficult to comprise) however it is not always that an immediate and straightforward reference gives it; another standpoint of understanding the connection of causes-processes-and results opens a new ways for perception very often, so hence it is more likely to provide better solutions.

You wanted to arouse the feeling of guilt in and to some degree you succeeded, though his pride didn't let him to become aware that there was something wrong of him.
I find it not easy to be able to state anything as a fact, I can rely on your feelings about it.
Which I don't know is who initiates conversations in majority, like the last one (at this time) between you and Ahmed. While I incline to the supposition that the reason why Ahmed came up with a proposition of him changing is not because he is enough determined to do so but rather cannot find himself in the different situation that to try to appease it, I cannot claim it being so.
What is more it would be a good information if there was at least once when three of you were together, spending time with joy with no blocking, unnecessary thoughts.

I know I might be wrong in lot of things , thats why I am posting this , to see how can I be better , or solve this problem??

I don't want Ahmed to change but at least I wana be happy with them both?

"when three of you were together, spending time with joy"
This is more than what I want , Ahmed never spend talk with me in class from like only 8 years ago?!?!!?

Then such situation has never taken place at all (both at school or out of it)...?
Have you tried to meet with them both to spend time together but without talking about this present state you are all in? If so, did they evade the answer at once?

What are your feelings about the reason why Ahmed asked you about changing himself?
I suppose he wanted the matter to lead to the solution but he doesn't feel comfortable between two people he doesn't want to hurt. (Even though his reply was harsh it was more like himself making excuses to self about not being able to deal with situation, therefore he chose to diminish two problems to one).
Although it doesn't alter in this case, still I would like you to answer who initiates conversations in majority?
It was probably you who began, as only you seemed to notice the bad side of their new relation but is it still so...
If they start to analise it with you they always do it separately, they never came together did they...?

Also, would it be perhaps that their behaviour to each other isn't the same as it had been before they realised that you don't like it.
Can it be that they are not so relaxed between self when you are near?

I can't tell them when they both together I know myself I may even cry before ending my first words..



I think Ahmed is a true friend..I just don't want him to hurt me more so I avoide going with him
I am sure he wants me to be as before .. or maybe it was him who been wrong? thats why he asked me in my opinion
he don't know whats going on.
It is always him who start the conversations and he start with talking about our past relationship..
Hamad told me once as he know what's in my mind "It still you who let me know Ahmed" something like that in my language..
In class , in everyone to let it be short , they always together , so I can't talk with them anywhere




I remember the first time the problem started .. They don't answere me when I go with them .. plus everyone in class
noticed thier behavior with me..

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He talked with me one more conversation and he was saying if I want him to be friend or not , and I saied don't be stupid
sure I want your friendship unless your like what you are in (he don't know whats going on , and I don't know what to say to him) then I better keep our friendship for else time in future..

He cares and I care..But doesn't seem like Hamad does , and he is the most one who knows about what is with me....
I am lost with the problem =[

Thank you for sincerity and patience to answer all the questions yet in this matter.
In the last matter yet I had on mind whether perhaps they stopped behaving freely towards themselves when they are near to you but talk only with themselves; whether the awareness of leaving you out make them feel awkward between each other, or there has been no difference since it started.

In fact there is less I can do about it than you can.
After some thought I decided to take other approach in order to help you.
To say something about it I could enumerate several elements which lead to the specifical solution but I am afraid they can be received only in the form of words if they haven't been practised enough, if they fail to last.
Me, myself took it more time than I would ever expect.
To remove such strong and 'reliable' defense as skepticism is, was never too encouraging perspective...
Therefore if you are still determined to have this problem solved and that you are able to be patient before it happens as well as to put a little trust in what I am saying is truth then I would ask you for time on MSN.
It would be much more proper and effective and perhaps more comfortable for you to start it by this mean.
If I have your agreement, what else we need to agree to is some point in time.
If not, I understand it. I will try then to look for reasonable solutions the way I started.

You want his friendship, but still you avoid him. Do you realize that you are contradicting yourself here, if you want to be friends with him, it's natural to be with him, unless you are lieing and don't want to be with him though appearantly that's not the case.
He is a true friend that is according to yourself, though maybe you are not, becasue you avoid bringing your relationship back because of fear from being hurt, apearantly you can't overcome this fear even though it's against your wishes.
You can't talk to him because he is always with Hamad, to me that's not much of an execuse, you don't need always with him, but to share with him things and be there when he needs help. Since to interact and talk with him is essential, you can sit near him and Hamad, you don't need to talk(though it's envitable that something will be talked about, as I think), but if Ahmad really want to keep his friendship, he will try to let you in his conversations with Hamad.
Besides were essentially your friend, so you know them to some extent, if their relationship is strong means nothing to yourself since it doesn't harm, but I think you decided that yourself, by thinking that they are trying to outcast you. They have changed maybe, but you should know that change is essential and at some point you will change too, your friend is not something you keep for yourself and expect to stay as it is, be more realistic in the situation and really decide whether you want to stay friends with him or not.

If you don't like what I said, just ignore it.

Of course yes I would do anything to solve this , I think of this daily which makes me kinda not relaxed..
and for all what you are doing for me .. dunno how can I thank you for this X| thanks





I guess I should clear something for you
Killua : "I think Ahmed is a true friend..I just don't want him to hurt me more so I avoide (((going))) with him"
Killua : "and I said don't be stupid sure I want your friendship"
Modi : "you can sit near him and Hamad, you don't need to (((talk)))"

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One day , I went with Ahmed to play soccer .. I let him invite me somehow I can't explain , but anyways I don't
like soccer , just cuz he does , I went to try what will happen with us both . Guess what? no one has talked with
the other .. all along the way to the place we play soccer at .. and there .. and even when we return .. but Hamad
he was starting chit chats with me .. but I answere him quitly .. I really relized that the thing I first choosen wasn't
wrong : "so I avoid going with him".
and : Killua : "sure I want your frindship"
meant return normal as past.
plus if we didn't talk to eachother how can it be alright?

Realising working, and reaching this another approach took me at least half a year and I am going to introduce it to you within few steps that is why I didn't come out with such proposition at the beginning.
I haven't explained any part of it so your "yes" could come more easily than it would, however I will definitely not want to lead to such outcome as the effect is supposed to be opposite, but rather ease off its tension.
Nevertheless, explanation of the aims of particular steps is not important for the effect so I will focus on providing what is needed in a simple, understandable way...
This is your request which I acceded to, however I will ask for pointing a day which is beyond this week (at least not earlier than Saturday) as I haven't yet found a cure for getting rid of surplus of tasks when they already exist... (yes, it is not a serious part)
Before we make an appointment... - as you noticed you are not relaxed whenever your thoughts come back to your problem, pay attention to replace each of them with opposite at once, even though your mind will be trying to convince you that this is not how the reality looks like. Don't let yourself off the guard not even once.
If you manage to get to the point in which you'll be receiving only good ones, it is more than I could wish from you in the matter of thanking.