Ok, i found this article elsewhere and figured it would be good to add to the site... or just be a good laugh to all the people who aren't n00bs on this site.
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Comprehensive Guide to Noobs

A. INTRO
I. What is this?
II. Defining 'Noob'

B. COMMON NOOB CHARACTERISTICS
I. Noobish
II. Where to find noobs
III. Behavior of noobs
IV. Noob religion
V. More about noob habitats

C. AVOIDING NOOBS
I. Make sure you aren't one
II. Major noob avoiding strategies


A. INTRO
I. What is this?
This guide is designed to give you a better understanding of what a noob is, how to recognize them, some details about them, and how to avoid or get rid of them. It mostly applies to online forums, which are the main targets of migrating noobs.

II. Defining 'Noob'
Contrary to the belief of many, a noob/n00b and a newbie/newb are not the same thing. Newbs are those who are new to some task* and are very beginner at it, possibly a little overconfident about it, but they are willing to learn and fix their errors to move out of that stage. Noobs, on the other hand, know little and have no will to learn any more. They expect people to do the work for them and then expect to get praised about it, and make up a unique species of their own. It is the latter we will study in this guide so that the reader is prepared to encounter them in the wild if needed.

Noobs are often referred to as n00bs as a sign of disrespect toward them, and it's often hella funny, but I will refer to them as noobs during this reading.

* Usually the topic at hand on an internet forum.


B. COMMON NOOB CHARACTERISTICS
I. Noobish
Often, but not always, noobs will attempt to communicate in their own primitive language, known as noobish. It is a variant of the hacker language that exposes them as having little intelligence or will to learn. Here is an example of some noobish. Do not attempt to comprehend it: it cannot be discerned without professionals at hand.

stFU /\/\an, i r teh r0xx0rz liek emin3m, u cna go tO EHLL OR ATLE4St help m3 wit hthIS!!111!!!!!!!1~~1!!``!! LOLLOLOLLOLOLlOoLLOlollLLl u n00b

Although you may find this unbelievably funny and/or annoying, it is best to restrain yourself and keep from talking back to them, as they are very territorial and easily angered. This will result in their attempted verbal abuse of you, possibly backed up by other noobs, because they work in packs when doing offensive tasks. It is not an easy task to learn this language because our intelligent accent will keep it from sounding quite right when spoken. You can write some simple noobish of your own, however, by slamming your face into your keyboard repeatedly.

II. Where to find noobs
On the internet, noobs make their colonies on forums. They migrate in waves, usually on weekends, and proceed to clog up bandwidth with stupid questions and sometimes even stupid answers. If you happen to be unfortunate enough to be on a board large enough to attract migrating noobs, there will hopefully be authority in charge who is smart enough to take extermination measures before they can make nests and larger colonies.

Larger colonies can result in the mutation of some into spammers. Not commercial spammers, but pointless spammers. A noob can become one of these at any point, but the larger the amount of noobs, the more chance pointless spammers will appear.

Off the internet, noobs appear anywhere the focus is on learning or discussing something specific.

III. Behavior of noobs
Since noobs are basically ignorant bastards, they have a lot in common. The most often seen characteristic is their fluency in noobish, which is why it got its own section. They will also be very self confident as if they were the absolute best at what they are in fact the worst at. Also, they are quite agressive and self-centered, and tend to laugh a lot using many L's and O's in rapid sucession (the noobish word for laughing like an ultimate retard).

It is their instinct to assemble in packs for defense, and they often attempt to organize packs that they call teams. Unfortunately for them, teams usually result in a total loss of communication and they can often begin to fight amongst each other. These teams are quite unlike those formed by non-noobs.

Noobs have difficulty reading english and cannot comprehend the idea of authority.

Therefore, they have an all-out disregard for rules, basic or not. A good way to identify a noob (bad) vs. a newb (good) is to tell them (or have an authority tell them) which rule they are unknowingly breaking. If they respond with an apology and fix it, they are probably not a noob. If they react by insulting everything around them in rapid noobish and causing general mayhem, it is because they are a noob and have had a small seizure due to their inability to understand what is happening.

IV. Noob religion
Noobs follow a variation of the 1337 (sometimes 7331) religion, in which they worship the number in odd rituals and put altars in their forum avatars and signatures. They often call themselves 1337, which experts say is somewhat like calling themselves godly in a human language. It's best to not interfere with their religious fantasies and practices because that can lead to a noob uprising, which can turn a forum to mush in less than a week.

V. More about noob habitats
Noobs often attempt to maintain their own web pages. Some common features of these lairs are a terrible lack of content, background music, lots of pointless animated gifs, and pages that say some variation of 'tHEir isnothinG H34r yEtt LOLLOLOL!111!1!!~~~!!`! 13371337', which means 'Nothing here yet' in noobish.

They will also have large, seemingly infinite marquees of 88X31 affiliate buttons replaced with red X's scattered here and there, and possibly a hit counter showing a number less than 100. These habitats are numerous but fairly easy to avoid because only noobs link to them. So if you can identify a noob, don't go to its homepage. Simple as that.


C. AVOIDING NOOBS
I. Make sure you aren't one
Note: This section is bilingual so even noobs can make the discovery if they haven't already.

English (T4lk)-

Read the above parts of this guide carefully. If you find yourself unable to comprehend any of it but are instead beginning to think about how great you are and how awesome 'teh 1337' is, you might want to take one of the many available online quizzes to check your noobancy.

Noobish (133713371337)- Liek, u gott4 re3D teh gudieCAREFUl1y and tehn OMG LIEK I AM R0XX0RZ ya anD ify 0u turn into teh reTARDED u gota go 2 MY WEBP4GE LOLLOLOL!!111~11 ad check 4 warez n stfuu. if u r a n00b go2HELL LOLLOLOlROFLMFAO11!!!11!!!! a/s/l pos gtg n00b suxx0rz ur b0xx0rz OLOOOLOLLLL HELP HELP HELP 1337133713371337

II. Major noob avoiding strategies
The main factor in attracting migrating herds of noobs is a large, active forum. If you find one of these, look to see if it has the management to avoid noob infestation. If not, look for a small or mid-sized forum that covers the same topic so you can enjoy your time there before the noobs find it.

Another way to keep noobs from interfering with your life is to become part of the authority on one of these forums. But that's often hard to do so you'll probably be better off avoiding larger forums first off. If you do manage to become part of the authority, however, take full advantage of it and establish extermination policies so that normal people can have a nice time without noob infestations.
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Dakura's Sidenotes:-
1. If you ever decide to speak n00bish... I'm sure any and all of the moderators/admin would be more then pleased to bann you.
2. Although the guide suggests going to smaller forums to avoid n00bs... the moderators/admin here are more then capable of dealing with any and all n00bs on the site... so no need to find a different site.
3. Mods and Admin of YGOL vrs n00bs... guess who always wins!
4. For the record, download n00b = n00b who is only here to download and who doesn't post all that often. However, if they do post, then their posts usually involve words such as "why can't i download", "i want to download 'such and such'" and/or "i have 30 posts... why aren't i in the passed group yet".

You and your noob obsessions

RC: shes not the only one dude, I catch you acting any kinda n00b i'll have your A$$ before you can say '1337'

I have nothing against newbies whatsoever. However it's the n00bs that grate on my nerves... and all mods/admin will do everything in their power to remove them from the site. As Mickey's quote says... "banning n00bs one n00b at a time" ((or it says something along those lines)).

Favourite quote of the article - "You can write some simple noobish of your own, however, by slamming your face into your keyboard repeatedly"

Yeps ^__^

Haha, alright Dakura!
Gotta tell you, I laughed 'til I fell off the chair!
*gets back up*

Watch out all you n00bs! This girl means business!

"You can write some simple noobish of your own, however, by slamming your face into your keyboard repeatedly"

- Oh, so THAT'S how to speak n00bish? *smirks*
I always thought you had to have a spazz-attack or something...
But, alright, I'll buy that...

Newbies are ok, but n00bs won't last very long around here!

Take care!

lI!K3 oM3h dUn bA%h uS v3 RlYke 3fi c00L u mUThaeFFiN ^*&&*()*(*&*& <------my n00bish masterpiece, isn't a beautiful? *swoons*

decided not to slam my face against the keyboard, too much trouble to repair XD, that take me like 5 minutes to write all that, wonder how they manage *shakes head*

interesting way of thinking about n00bs, large migrating herds XD

I've seen this before, and thats my favourite part aswell. Just imagine someone saying that, then doing it themselves

Lol seamless you seem quite good at n00b language ...joking

Yes and the slamming your face in the keyboard thing seems like too much work...although it sounds quite amusing to try

This post has been edited by Blademaster_Demon: Aug 20 2005, 05:39 PM

indeed i am XD, i do that all the time to mock them, i am even part of a community that is entirly deicated to type like that for the reasons of mockery, though it isn't specifically for n00bs

Dakura, please edit that to give credit to the original website it was taken from.

for a admin you don't even knw all the rules tsk, tsk, tsk
there's a no adving policy remember? even mentioning a site's name is considered an offense

*pokes Stan* I don't the place where she took it knew where he got the info from o.O...Atleast I didn't see any *goes and checks*...But anyway, I'm sure the site doesn't mind, its for kicks and giggles anyway And seamless is right XD

Firstly, I can't advitise sites on this forum. To do so would be breaking the rules... or at least setting a bad example for all the newbies. If I'm gonna be a bad example on the newbies, it will be of a sadistic nature... not 'how to break the rules on YGOL and get away with it' ((note if you do break the rules here at YGOL newbies, you won't get away with it)).

Secondly, the dude that posted it on the site i got this article off said that he got it from another site ((but didn't give the link))... so therefore i myself don't know who the original author was. However i did claim in the first part of my post that i did get it off another site... which should basically tell you that it isn't my work.

So basically... thanks whoever the author was for writing such a good article on the difference between newbies and n00bs, and I'm sure you don't mind us spreading this article around to our forum ((since if you didn't want people to use what you have written then you wouldn't have made it available on the internet in the first place)). For now though I'm more then happy to continually bash my head on the keyboard... and see if i can make more sense of it then i can of n00bish.

90bopp;[-'[]0 op09uhbvfb/."|]/'\ < Ryou_chan

frtyt 65 65 v55tv fbgnvbvbgtkjio < Blade
:stupid:

Well we tried it.... we slammed our faces against ye olde keyboard several times and ....well... voila... heh.... its odd...
....Good guide...
....Okay its 2:30am I'm sk